Being a mom of two girls is incredible! I’ve always dreamt of having a baby girl as my first and when God blessed me with another I was so happy! I grew up with two sisters and a brother myself so I know how special the bond is between sisters.
My first was only 9 months old when I found out that I’m expecting my second child. My feelings were so overwhelming at the time because I wasn’t sure how I could possibly handle two babies under 18 months at once! Another thought that crossed my mind was how could I possibly love another child so much too. With the grace of Allah, support from my husband, and the help of family I was able to get through it all!
My first initial reaction when I found out about my pregnancy was: How could I possibly get my first daughter ready for this new journey?! I had a feeling of guilt that my firstborn’s life was going to change and she was going to become a big sister when she’s still a baby herself! Of course, the attention would be divided as newborns require more time. But a part of me also figured that because she would only be 18 months at the time, she may not feel so jealous or probably won’t know what’s happening. Boy was I wrong!
During my pregnancy, my cousin suggested getting a doll and making her practise how to be gentle with the baby, and how to take care of it with no rough behaviour! It worked for a few days but then she wouldn’t care about the doll anymore!
Of course, she was so little so I couldn’t expect more from her, tossing one toy to another at the time! I had sometimes wished that I should have had more time to enjoy with my first all on her own so I could have given more of my undivided attention to her!
I get really sick during my pregnancies so the first 3 months were horrible, with immense nausea and sickness. I’m sure my daughter wondered why is mommy laying down so much now! I tried to pull through for her so I could take care of her and magically became stronger as time went by. I guess when you become a mother once, you have that responsibility to pull through, regardless of pregnancies being pretty tough.
My second daughter decided to come a little earlier than expected! During my labour, It was the first time I left my daughter overnight with my mom. Sadly because I had to leave her with my mom, I couldn’t have my mothers support during my labour process, but my husband and sisters were so supportive! I remember during my labour, I would keep FaceTiming her, to check up and see if she had eaten or slept. I picked up a “best sister” shirt for her to wear when she would come to see us at the hospital the following day.
I still remember the day she entered the hospital room with my mom. She was so confused. I’m sure she was thinking “why has my mom been away from me for the past two days and who is this new person in my mom’s lap?” She gave a quick glance to her new baby sister and wanted her daddy.
When I got discharged and came to my moms three days later, my firstborn wouldn’t even come to me or the new baby! It’s like she was mad at me for leaving her behind for three days. I had no idea she would react that way! I actually had no idea that a 17-month-old could feel that way.
I tried my best to give her more time, but she completely refused to come to me. I remember I started getting emotional and crying too, but my husband and mom consoled me and said of course it’ll take her some time to accept this huge change in her life. The attention was divided of course.
I spent about three weeks at my moms, so I could receive all the help with 2 under 2. During this process, my first daughter became super attached to her dad, even more than before as he would watch her more as I would nurse and watch the new baby. This became a little hard for me because I just wanted things to be normal again.
But as time went on, the bond both sisters shared became stronger and they became inseparable. My firstborn would actually wake up wondering where the baby was, and as they both grew my little one would wonder the same.
I think no matter how much you try to prepare the firstborn for their new sibling, there will always be feelings of jealousy, undivided attention, and struggle but that’s all to overcome with time. It’s a new journey for the parents and the children involved, but as time went on I realized I wouldn’t have it any other way!
I also feel that no matter what age you have the second child, the feelings the first child goes through are very natural but with time it does heal. As much as a struggle it is to juggle two toddlers, it’s also enjoyable to watch their cute sister bond!
- Preparing My Daughter For The Birth Of My Second Child - August 31, 2020