How to Domesticate Your Man

Ah, husbands, those charming creatures who often wander cluelessly through the labyrinth of domestic life. Dropping their clothes just outside the hamper, taking off each sock in a different room and throwing it on the floor, not knowing how to run the dishwasher, not knowing how to fold laundry, not knowing why we can’t put wet towels on the bed… They really are a mess, aren’t they? And you were wondering why you would need to domesticate your man. Who’s laughing now? I’m not because I can relate! It’s not their fault though they just don’t know how to do these mere domestic tasks because of course, they are made for greater things, like pushing those buttons on the remote control and waiting for tea or coffee after a tiring day sitting at an office desk.

Fear not, dear readers, for we present to you the ultimate guide on raising husbands, and more specifically, how to domesticate and mold your man into the perfect husband. With our expertise and a generous dash of satire, we will unveil the secrets to turning your man into the ideal domesticated husband, one who flawlessly navigates the complexities of household chores, emotional intelligence, and much more.

Men are not as good-looking as women: Utilize the power of comparison!

Let’s face it, ladies. Society has set unrealistic beauty standards for women, and men often seem to bypass these expectations. But worry not, for you can use this to your advantage! By surrounding your husband with a stunning female role model, you can effectively make him feel like the “ugly duckling” of the relationship. Yes, of course, we mean you! Remember, there is no such thing as too much mascara or being overdressed! Soon, he’ll be motivated to step up his grooming game, and who knows, maybe you’ll even score some free beauty tips along the way!

Men are not as intelligent as women: The art of subtle intellectual manipulation

We’ve all heard the myths about men being less intelligent than women, so let’s play into those stereotypes for a moment. Engage in casual conversations filled with trivia, philosophical debates, and mind-bending riddles. Subtly dropping knowledge bombs will make your husband question his intellectual prowess and, in turn, strive to impress you with newfound brilliance. These can also be in the form of little memo stickers stuck on every appliance with clear instructions on how to use it, and even on every drawer listing the contents inside. Heck, even print out some diagrams that show exactly how to make the bed and fold laundry. All this with a little Shakespear poetry on the side. After all, who wouldn’t want a husband who can quote Shakespeare while fixing the leaky faucet?

Men are stronger. Use this to your advantage: Tactical delegations!

Ladies, let’s tap into that hidden source of power—your ability to delegate. Embrace the concept of “strategic incompetence” by artfully maneuvering your husband into the role of the household handyman. Whether it’s lifting heavy objects, assembling furniture, or battling the elusive spiders, let him flex those muscles while you observe from a distance, sipping a well-deserved cup of tea. Just remember to cheer him on enthusiastically and reward his efforts with copious amounts of praise and admiration.

Men don’t have a lot of emotional capacity: The path to emotional enlightenment

It’s time to take your husband on an emotional rollercoaster ride. Start by gently introducing him to the realm of emotional intelligence. Share tear-jerking movies, engage in deep conversations about feelings, and, of course, invest in a collection of plush toys for him to cuddle during emotional breakdowns. With your guidance, he’ll discover the hidden reservoir of emotions within and learn to navigate the intricate landscape of feelings with grace. Who said men couldn’t be emotionally evolved?

Men are from Mars: Discovering the intergalactic romance

Embrace the cosmic differences between men and women and celebrate them. Arrange “Mars vs. Venus” theme nights, complete with alien-inspired decorations, intergalactic cuisine, and quizzes about interplanetary knowledge. Celebrate the extraterrestrial nature of your relationship, and who knows, maybe you’ll even discover a secret Martian code for marital bliss! We know this has nothing to do with domesticating them but why not include something cool just for kicks?

Teach them, but be gentle!

Remember, dear readers, this article is meant purely for entertainment purposes. While it tickles our funny bone to explore the humorous aspects of gender dynamics, it’s crucial to respect and appreciate the unique qualities each individual brings to a relationship. A healthy partnership is built on mutual respect, understanding, and shared responsibilities. So, embrace the joy of being partners on this rollercoaster called life, and enjoy the journey together, quirks and all! 

And remember, you are a superhero and you can definitely domesticate him even before he can say “I don’t know how to do that!” but only if you are gentle and do not hurt his fragile little ego.